This April, we are celebrating abortion wellbeing. With this month we raise awareness that the spectrum of personal abortion experiences traverses a wide range of emotions, which can include joy and relief alongside feelings of sadness and loss. We celebrate the ability of each woman to be well along this spectrum, including every woman who feels regret, pain or grief. These emotional responses to abortion, like all feelings after abortion, deserve the opportunity to be heard, understood and supported.
Exhale’s “16 & Loved” campaign to support Markai, Katie and Natalia, (who shared their personal abortion stories on MTV’s “No Easy Decision)” opened the door for new stories to be shared. Many women who wrote to express their love to Markai, Katie and Natalia also told their own personal stories, some of which included feelings of sadness and regret. It’s important that these stories be heard and honored.
Feeling heard is key to experiencing wellbeing after abortion. When we feel heard, we feel less stigmatized, less alone, and more capable of taking care of ourselves. When we feel heard we can move forward with new wisdom and understanding about ourselves to inform our future. When we feel heard, we feel empowered.
Pro-voice advocates stand with every woman who has had an abortion, including those who feel grief and regret. Feelings like these are common following any significant life decision, as is the experience of a mix of emotions that might seem contradictory and yet, can all be true and valid. In celebration of abortion wellbeing, let us read and affirm the feelings expressed by these women who shared their stories through “16 & Loved”:
By the time it was all over I was laughing because I couldn’t get my pants on and crying because I was alone. It is ok to grieve, cry, and be sad. But don’t hold it in to the point that it is harming your mental well being. After 10 years I am ok with my decision and maybe I will have kids one day, but right now I know that it was the right thing to do.
So without my parents’ knowledge I had the procedure done. I have never been so scared in my life but i knew i was doing what was best for me and my future. For months after that I had nightmares and could not sleep. I felt like I had killed someone. The guilt was terrible. It’s now been 3 years and hearing peoples’ opinion of the matter still bothers me and sometimes I do struggle with it. But I do know I am not a bad person for my decision and I am making the best of my life.
You don’t ever forget but that’s okay. You’re never alone, you’re loved and you did the right thing. You will not be punished down the line, you will have sadness but you’ll also know great and wonderful joy.
Becca’s post talks about regret and affirms her decision:
i regret my decision more than anything but i also know it was the best decision for me at the moment. it’s the most painful thing to live with in the world. every baby i see on the bus, walking down the street, etc. makes me fill with regret and want to cry. watching this show made me realize more than ever that i am not alone and that my decision was the best for me, whether others agree or not.
Vicky talks about feelings that change often:
It’s been years for me, and I still don’t know if I made the right choice. Some days I regret it, some days it was the best choice I ever made. I think the fact that even after all this time I still don’t know, says to me that there was no way I could have known then. I made the best decision I could, at the time, with the support I had, and I cling to that now.
Women’s abortion experiences are varied and unique. In celebrating wellbeing, we also celebrate each woman’s personal journey and all its facets, joys and challenges. She has everything she needs to be well. Let’s listen.
I had my abortion 28 years ago. I was never able to get pregnant after that. I wish I had not done it. It’s affected so many parts of my life but once I realized what got me to that point I was able to let go of the guilt I had carried for so long. Abortion never happens in a vacuum. There are events in life that lead up to it. I don’t recommend abortion. I know some women say they get over it and can just go on with life but I’ve talked to too many that have not been able to get over it and just go on. It’s very much a spiritual event not just physical. I think that’s why it takes some women so long to heal and forgive themselves – that’s how it was for me. I don’t wish it upon any woman.
My abortion was in 1993, the year my two nieces were born. I remember it being the right decision but it was very upsetting. I think the hardest part was not being able to talk about it, grieving what might have been. I so wish I had had support and didn’t have to carry a secret. When women friends talked about pregnancy symptoms, I knew what they were talking about but couldn’t join in the conversation. I was in no position to be a parent at the time but still I grieved being surrounded by babies being born.
Its now 2011, and I have two young children. I am glad that I waited, I am glad that I made the decision I made in the past but still…I get emotional about the loss.