Recruiting Volunteers at UC Berkeley’s Service Fair

Exhale volunteers are people who care deeply about the wellbeing of others and who are motivated by making a meaningful contribution to a more peaceful world. Our volunteers come from all walks of life and range in age from teens to seniors. Ethnically and religiously diverse, volunteers are students, parents, and professionals with full personal lives. At Exhale, they work beside others with shared values and grow as people and changemakers.

Exhale volunteers Jackie and Danielle joined our Director of Programs, Jovida Ross, at the UC Berkeley Service Fair on Wednesday, September 7th to recruit new volunteers for our next training.

Our award-winning volunteer program is currently recruiting new volunteers for our next training, scheduled to begin Sept. 21.  APPLICATIONS ARE DUE SEPTEMBER 10TH.   Check out our listing on VolunteerMatch for more information on how to apply.

Read more about how Volunteers Lead the Way at Exhale on the VolunteerMatch blog.

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Thaler Pekar’s Ethical StorySharing RoundUp

Exhale is a community of people with personal abortion experiences and when it comes to storysharing, we advocate that:  1) women who have had abortions must have the ability to control their own narratives in our public discourse; and 2) that we must have authority and decision-making over when and how our stories are used by advocates.

Thaler Pekar has been writing about the ethical sharing of stories in a series of blog posts; and her insights offer critical thinking for our community members and the advocates who seek to have access to our stories.

In a two-part series in PhilanTopic, Thaler outlines the concept of Ethical StorySharing, in Part 1:

Because stories are powerful, and because they are wholly owned by the person who shares them, we have an ethical obligation to use story in ways that do no harm. Whether we are asking for stories to better understand an organizational challenge, to use in our organizational communications, or for an advocacy campaign, our goal should be to empower, not exploit…

The need to refrain from treating story as a commodity goes beyond nonprofit and advocacy work; it should inform all your work with narrative. True narrative intelligence respects the sharer of the story and recognizes that his or her story is a unique part of them that cannot, and should not, be taken and shared without permission.

In Ethical StorySharing, Part 2, Thaler gives more advice to advocates who seek to work with stories:

Thinking about the stories you’re not hearing is critical to the ethical use of story. Do you have a responsibility to seek them out? Also, do you plan to label and publicly present the stories you do gather? And if so, how will the context affect the way the audience perceives those stories?…

Or you may be working with a stigmatized population, in which case you have a special responsibility to protect the sharer of the story. For example, you have an ethical obligation to share any knowledge you may have about what could happen to the person, personally or professionally, if they decide to share their story. Might you need to provide for the person’s safety? Does the person sharing his or her story understand how s/he could lose control over the context in which the story is shared, especially in super-public places like YouTube?

In “Working with Stories,” on the Stanford Social Innovation Review, Thaler writes about the concept of empathetic engagement, first described by Sam Gregory of WITNESS:

Develop and engage a keen sense of empathy. Consider what people physically and emotionally need in order to share their stories. Make certain that people are in no way coerced into sharing a story, and explore and protect against any possibilities that the teller may be stigmatized, or even harmed, because he or she has shared a story.

Remember that each individual wholly owns his or her stories. Personal stories are not commodities, to be taken from one person and given to another, in exchange for reimbursement of some sort…Remember, too, that the audience is a partner in the story sharing. Create conditions favorable to the listener fully receiving and making sense of the story.

Understand that story begets story. Story is a contagion: By sharing a story, you will elicit stories in response. Keep this in mind, creating both the time and physical requirements that respect and enable a flow of stories.

In order to hear the real range of people’s complex experiences and emotions, you must avoid communicating that only certain stories are acceptable, welcome, and valued.  If you are too descriptive about the types of stories you want to hear, you may not hear anything at all.

Sagely, Thaler writes:

Refrain from starting a narrative project with a predetermined sense of the stories you will hear. When stories are elicited with honesty and benevolence (and they must be!), you will most likely be surprised, delighted, and frightened by what you hear. Commit yourself to the journey, not to the product.

Finally, in “Pro-Voice and Pro-Chaos” in PhilanTopic, Thaler describes how Pro-Voice is inherently a practice of Ethical StorySharing:

Being “pro-voice” means being anti-predetermined story. The people who work with and support Exhale understand that embracing reality is the only authentic choice for those advocating for sustainable conflict resolution and a more peaceful social climate. Imagine if more advocates let go of their fear of being surprised, contradicted, or losing control and looked to solicit and share stories that didn’t necessarily fit predetermined agendas. In their representation of the complexity of reality, the resulting stories might appear to be chaotic. But the odds are excellent that out of that chaos, profound insight would follow.

To learn more about Thaler and her thinking on Ethical StorySharing, follow her on Twitter: @thaler.

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Kassi Underwood Shares her Story (Twice!)

Kassi Underwood, a Pro-Voice Ambassador, has written about her personal experience with abortion in two major newspapers this year.   As a community of people with personal abortion experiences, we stand beside Kassi and provide her with our unconditional love and support.   We look forward to reading her memoir about her search for post-abortion therapies.

On Monday, May 2, 2011 in the New York Daily News, Kassi wrote in “Get Your Politics Off My Grief”:

Contorting rich experiences and complex emotions into partisan slogans shames women who do not “feel” within their political lines, separating us into distinct, sometimes-opposing groups that struggle to relate to one another. Pro-voice is an antidote to the alienating ills of America’s abortion culture.

Here’s a right I’d march for: the right to wail myself to sleep, to yearn for my long gone baby, yet to know that I needed to delay parenthood. Transcending heartache is possible as long as I keep my story unabridged – and out of the political sphere.

On July 28, 2011, Kassi went further, sharing more details about her experience with abortion in the Modern Love column of the New York Times.  Kassi shared in “A Lost Child, But Not Mine”:

With sobriety and a salary, I couldn’t stop thinking about the baby that wasn’t, a loss somehow made more painful by his baby that was. I spent my workdays browsing photos of his little girl, believing in some twisted respect that I was glimpsing the face of the child I could have had. On lunch breaks, I went home to cry in bed, longing for a paranormal miracle.

By the time I called him, his daughter was about to celebrate her first birthday. He was living at a halfway house in Boston, where my company was flying me for a conference. I harbored a secret motive to find out if he dwelled on the loss as much as I did, so I asked him if he would meet me….

THE heat of summer hung down on our shoulders when we hugged on the bustling street corner. As we parted, I walked up Gloucester Street toward the conference center; he headed toward the pickup truck he’d borrowed from a friend at the halfway house.

In the three years since, he has spent much of his time incarcerated for drug-related offenses. I wish I could share my sobriety, my degree and my career to rent that apartment for his little girl, but reality has finally sunk in: the abortion is mine alone, just like Jade is his.

These two articles demonstrate how each person’s story with abortion has multiple layers, with diverse ways to share about such an intimate experience.   Show your support to Kassi and follow her on twitter: @KassiUnderwood.

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“FTW: Social Networks, Down and Dirty for Change” at Netroots Nation

On Friday, June 17^th, Exhale Executive Director Aspen Baker participated in a panel presentation at Netroots Nation entitled “FTW: Social Networks, Down & Dirty for Change.” Assembled by 16 & Loved architect Deanna Zandt, the panel also included Cheryl Contee from Fission Strategy, Anita Jackson from Moms Rising, and Rachel LaBruyere from Mobile Commons and explored case studied of social media successes. Aspen Baker presented the 16 & Loved campaign to a standing-room only crowd, exploring campaign goals, media reaction, and lessons learned. You can watch the whole panel discussion below [a new browser window will open]:

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Strong Families Love Unconditionally

By Susan Lehman, Exhale Counselor & 2010 Rachel Falls Compassion Award honoree

This piece was written as part of the Asian Communities for Reproductive Justice‘s Strong Families initiative, as apart of their Mama’s Day Blog series and cross posted at On The Issues Magazine.

As the mother of grown children, I have basked in the annual glow of Mother’s Day recognition for a long time. Both my family and my community offer me blessings and praise for raising and providing for my children. But one of my most deeply maternal choices, my abortion, does not warrant the same recognition.

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Wellbeing & Abortion Storysharing: An Interview with Nicole Miller

On Sunday, April 10^th, MTV Canada aired a special called “Impact: Abortion Stories.” Unlike the panel interview structure and accompanying reality-show style telling of Markai’s experience in “No Easy Decision,” the Canadian special included interviews with people representing a variety of perspectives on abortion. Part of a comprehensive “Impact” series, which includes shows on other topics ranging from Haiti to bullying, “Abortion Stories” included first person interviews with women describing personal abortion experiences; and others representing a range of views.

Nicole Miller is one of the women who shared her personal abortion story in Canada’s special, and she agreed to talk to Exhale about abortion wellbeing and storysharing. As we conclude our 2^nd annual commemoration of Abortion Wellbeing Month, we hope that Nicole and all women who have shared their stories in ways from private to public will feel supported, respected and well!

Exhale: What does “abortion wellbeing” mean to you?

Nicole: Abortion wellbeing to me means many things. It’s not a particular place or state of mind, as much as an inner feeling of peace. It means to be completely honest and open not only with others, but with yourself.

To say I have never felt conflicting emotions because of my abortion would be a blatant lie. However, deep in my soul I know that I absolutely made the right decision, despite what anyone says or thinks or does and that is the most important aspect of my wellbeing.

Exhale: How did you decide to share your story? What role has sharing in such a public way played in your post abortion well being?

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Listening to Grief & Regret to Promote Wellbeing

This April, we are celebrating abortion wellbeing. With this month we raise awareness that the spectrum of personal abortion experiences traverses a wide range of emotions, which can include joy and relief alongside feelings of sadness and loss.  We celebrate the ability of each woman to be well along this spectrum, including every woman who feels regret, pain or grief. These emotional responses to abortion, like all feelings after abortion, deserve the opportunity to be heard, understood and supported.

Exhale’s “16 & Loved” campaign to support Markai, Katie and Natalia, (who shared their personal abortion stories on MTV’s “No Easy Decision)” opened the door for new stories to be shared. Many women who wrote to express their love to Markai, Katie and Natalia also told their own personal stories, some of which included feelings of sadness and regret.  It’s important that these stories be heard and honored.

Feeling heard is key to experiencing wellbeing after abortion.  When we feel heard, we feel less stigmatized, less alone, and more capable of taking care of ourselves.  When we feel heard we can move forward with new wisdom and understanding about ourselves to inform our future. When we feel heard, we feel empowered.

Pro-voice advocates stand with every woman who has had an abortion, including those who feel grief and regret. Feelings like these are common following any significant life decision, as is the experience of a mix of emotions that might seem contradictory and yet, can all be true and valid. In celebration of abortion wellbeing, let us read and affirm the feelings expressed by these women who shared their stories through “16 & Loved”:

Angie says:

By the time it was all over I was laughing because I couldn’t get my pants on and crying because I was alone. It is ok to grieve, cry, and be sad. But don’t hold it in to the point that it is harming your mental well being. After 10 years I am ok with my decision and maybe I will have kids one day, but right now I know that it was the right thing to do.

The sun still shines’ story:

So without my parents’ knowledge I had the procedure done. I have never been so scared in my life but i knew i was doing what was best for me and my future. For months after that I had nightmares and could not sleep. I felt like I had killed someone. The guilt was terrible. It’s now been 3 years and hearing peoples’ opinion of the matter still bothers me and sometimes I do struggle with it. But I do know I am not a bad person for my decision and I am making the best of my life.

Desiree says:

You don’t ever forget but that’s okay. You’re never alone, you’re loved and you did the right thing. You will not be punished down the line, you will have sadness but you’ll also know great and wonderful joy.

Becca’s post talks about regret and affirms her decision:

i regret my decision more than anything but i also know it was the best decision for me at the moment. it’s the most painful thing to live with in the world. every baby i see on the bus, walking down the street, etc. makes me fill with regret and want to cry. watching this show made me realize more than ever that i am not alone and that my decision was the best for me, whether others agree or not.

Vicky talks about feelings that change often:

It’s been years for me, and I still don’t know if I made the right choice. Some days I regret it, some days it was the best choice I ever made. I think the fact that even after all this time I still don’t know, says to me that there was no way I could have known then. I made the best decision I could, at the time, with the support I had, and I cling to that now.

Women’s abortion experiences are varied and unique. In celebrating wellbeing, we also celebrate each woman’s personal journey and all its facets, joys and challenges.  She has everything she needs to be well.  Let’s listen.

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Join Exhale in celebrating April 2011 as the 2nd Annual Abortion Wellbeing Month!

This April, Exhale is celebrating our 2nd Annual Abortion Wellbeing Month to bring attention to each individual’s unique experience with abortion, and to recognize that emotional wellbeing is possible for every person who experiences one.

Yes, as women who have had abortions we hear a lot about what we should feel about our abortions and we know what it’s like when our voices and needs get sidestepped. And yet, we find ways to give our abortions personal meaning and to feel whole. Together, we can raise awareness that emotions of all kinds after abortion are normal; and that feeling heard, supported and respected – without judgment – is important to the wellbeing of every woman who has an abortion.

Throughout the month of April 2011, let’s celebrate our wellbeing and work together to:

• Acknowledge each person’s unique experience with abortion;
• Draw attention to ways to support and respect women who have had abortions;
• Promote loving connection, with friends and family, as well as between women who have had abortions.

Join us!

Connect Online: Blog for Abortion Wellbeing. Tell your friends about it. Follow Exhale on Facebook and Twitter throughout the month for more updates, and keep up on this blog for guest posts on abortion and wellbeing.

Connect In-Person: Join us on Wednesday, April 27th for the San Francisco Bay Area premiere of filmmaker Lindsay Ellis’ “The A Word,” an irreverent and deeply personal Pro-Voice chronicle of how her abortion had an impact on her life, and those she loves.

Let us know what you’re doing to support Abortion Wellbeing! Email us at info@4exhale.org to tell us about your Pro-Voice action or to offer your support.

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Taking talkline calls during MTV’s “No Easy Decision”



On the night that MTV’s No Easy Decision aired, Exhale’s talkline lit up! We had fourteen callers in the first hour after the special had finished broadcasting on the East Coast, even though it was midnight in that time zone.

Several counselors took calls that night. Lisa Green was one of those counselors. Exhale Director of Programs Jovida Ross asked Lisa about her experience working with Exhale through the partnership with MTV.

Jovida: What was it like to take calls on the talkline the night that “No Easy Decision” aired?

Lisa: I was ready to listen; I knew that I might be getting calls from women who were learning for the first time that they had a place to call. I consider it sacred space, and I felt like I was a part of something revolutionary that night. The calls I got were similar to calls I’ve taken at other times, except that they said they had just watched the show and were so glad to learn about Exhale.

Jovida: Did you watch the special? If so, what stood out to you about it?

Lisa: I cannot express how brave I think that Markai and her boyfriend are for sharing their experience, as with Katie and Natalia, the 2 other women who sat with Dr. Drew for the interview. I wanted more; more discussion and more about abortion approached in this manner. More stories from real women exploring real experiences that are not black and white, making tough choices that may not be what they imagined but doing what they believe is best for everybody involved; themselves, their families and their future. This is the kind of thing I hear on the talkline, and I have never seen it reflected in the media before.

Jovida: Did you read any of the 16 & Loved posts? If so, was there anything that stood out to you about the site?

Lisa: I loved that Exhale created this site. It was so positive and powerful. I expected that there would be a backlash from the airing of “No Easy Decision”, and I read just about everything I could about the show, and all the posts on 16 & Loved beforehand. Although there was some negative commentary online, for the most part it seemed like there was a great welcoming of hearing real women’s stories. This warmed my soul and made me feel positive and proud to be part of Exhale; for being a part of this important shift in dialogue.

Jovida: Is there anything you’d like to share about the counseling experience, and why or how it is meaningful for you?

Lisa: Listening to women on the hotline has seriously changed my life. Simple listening, simple non-judgmental listening, is so powerful and pure. I am somebody who obsesses about being perfect and this stops me from doing many things; I worry about things I say or ruminate about things that others wouldn’t give a second thought. For the most part, this does not happen with me on the talkline.  I can just listen; listen and help women to see themselves the way I do when I hear them talk about their tough choices and their strength, and listen to them work out what makes sense to them.

I have talked to so many women who simply amaze me with their resilience and wisdom. My favorite calls are when women come to the point where they have concluded how strong they are and they come to feel empowered. I am also always amazed that a call can begin with crying and end with laughter or taking action to seek further support.

One call that stands out in my memory is a caller who came from a very conservative family and community, who told me that this was the first time she had said the word abortion out loud. It felt wonderful to be a part of that moment with her; I got to witness her unburden herself, to release and let go of her pent-up emotion.

These moments are the heart of pro-voice. A friend of mine recently read the New York Times article [about Exhale] and she loved the idea of pro-voice and taking abortion out of the political realm. I’m proud to be a part of approaching abortion in a new way; I feel like I am a part of an emerging pro-voice movement.

I really love how [fellow Exhale counselor] Nat has phrased or defined pro-voice in one of his blog posts: That a pro-voice movement will lead to “a world where the rest of us can see abortion less as a political issue to be debated and more about abortion as an experience lived by a woman we love.”

For me, when I think about pro-voice, I find myself going back to the phrase or notion of the gray area, about breaking free from black and white thinking and embracing the multi-layered nature of most important decisions in life. Most of us live in those gray areas, our lives becoming things we didn’t imagine or living in ways that we didn’t plan for. There can be beauty in those moments. Abortion is a part of that journey for so many women. We deserve respect, and for our voices to be heard.

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Expressing and Receiving Love about Abortion

Our “16 & Loved” campaign opened a forum for people to express their love to the three young women who appeared on MTV’s “No Easy Decision.” We received over 200 submissions telling Markai, Natalia and Katie, and every woman who has had an abortion that they are not alone.  They are loved.

The messages posted were inspiring, uplifting, personal, revealing, vulnerable, strong, determined, and thoughtful.  Some of the messages were simple and to the point, others were more lengthy and intricate.  Some put themselves in another woman’s shoes while others spoke from direct personal experience.  The messages of love were as diverse and unique to each writer as a personal experience of abortion can be to each woman.

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